Summer is supposed to be a time of happy, fluffy posts, but as the oldest blogger on the team, I feel obligated to inject a dose of cynical reality every once in a while.  If you’re offended by mature content, you might want to read something else.  Just don’t say I didn’t warn you…

Our story begins one fine sunny Monday morning in May, when I awake to find the following in my Inbox, from one of the professors on my thesis committee:

5/19/08 Katy: Hope that things are going well.  I wanted to follow up on your course thesis plans.   Based on our brief chat recently, I think that we should really go over some specifics to make sure that we’re all on course.  I’m most concerned, of course, about whether the thesis will be able to be considered a course 6 thesis.  If you have significant concerns in this direction, perhaps you might go ahead and explore the possibility of switching to Brain and Cog.  I don’t know how/whether this is feasible.  But I think Ann would know and would be supportive (as would I).  On the other hand, we can work to make it a course 6 thesis. Kindly let me know your thoughts and when you would be able to meet. Thanks—

My first thought of course was “WTF yo!?!  I’m NEVER going to graduate.”  But let’s back up.  First of all, the man has a point.  I do physiology research, it would be very strange to give me an EECS degree.  “Our brief chat recently” involved me commenting that the modeling work that I had included in my thesis proposal was not a priority for me and might get pushed aside in favor of trying to analyze my experimental data, which is taking forever and has no real direction – but that’s another post.  So far, everyone is being reasonable here, we just need to talk.  So I reply:

5/19/08 Hi —, Thanks for the email.  I’m out of town for the long weekend, starting Thursday, but can meet before that if you like.  Or next week after I get back is fine too.  We have lab meetings Wednesday mornings, but any other time should be fine.  Just let me know what’s convenient for you. I looked into applying to the BCS department a couple of years ago and wasn’t accepted, I don’t know if it’s possible to switch now that I’m almost done(ish), and I’m not sure I like that option even if it is an option.  I feel like this thesis will include enough signal processing and/or information theory to it that it could be a good EECS thesis, but we should definitely talk.  The modeling part isn’t out of the question either, but there’s so much work left to do on the data analysis from the physiology that I can’t see how to do a good job on both without spending another 6 years in grad school…  Cheers, -Katy

A week goes by with no response…  I convince myself it’s no big deal, if he hasn’t responded to my emails it’s because this is such a low priority nothing that I shouldn’t be concerned.  Besides, what’s the worst that can happen?  He tells me that I suck as a grad student and laughs meniacally as he tells me that I’ll never get my Ph.D. if he has anything to say about it?  A more likely scenario is that the situation drives me to insanity and I quit.  An even more likely scenario is that I get struck by a bus as it gets hit by lightening - and at least in that senario I probably get a posthumus Ph.D.  So I remind myself to be a grownup.  I try again:

5/27/08 Hi —, I never heard back from you about scheduling a meeting.  I’m in town the rest of this week, so anytime through Friday is good (no lab meeting this week, so Wed. morning is okay too).  I’m out of town again Monday and Tueday next week, but any time after that is great.  Let me know, -Katy

No response.  I start to dream of a life outside of grad school, where I have chosen to quit because to finish would mean compromising my integrity and my dignity and letting the terrorists win. I sleep well at night knowing that I stood up to The Man.  Of course I realize my fantasies make little sense and have no relation to reality, so I send another polite reminder to my committee member:

6/4/08 Hi —, Not sure if you’ve gotten my previous messages, but I’m back and don’t have any plans other than research for the rest of the summer.  I’d love to talk to you as soon as possible about my thesis – please let me know when you’re free.  Thanks, -Katy

Still no response.  I drop by his office a few times when I “happen to be in the area” (which is only across the street, so arguably, I’m always in the area).  But he’s never there anyway, and his students start to pity me when I walk in to the office.  I try one last desperate email:

6/23/08 Hi —, Your last email raised the possibility that I might not have a course 6-worthy thesis it made me pretty nervous.  I’d like to talk with you ASAP and get this worked out… Thanks,-Katy

Finally a reply!  We meet 2 days later. The moral of this part of the story is that no matter how much energy your committee is putting in to ignoring you, it can’t possibly be as much energy as you can devote to finding them.  They have priorities other than you.  You are one person with one mission:  to graduate.

Anyway, long story short I am now working on a modeling component and will in fact never graduate.  Though when I manage to forget the fact that I’ll never graduate, I get vaguely excited about said modeling, since I’m really only being forced to do something that I wanted to do in the first place.  The major concern now is that my boss and my committee member won’t see eye-to-eye on what is required before they’ll both sign my thesis.  Not to mention that my third committee member is bound to have an opinion too.  But I am a woman on a mission: to graduate in 1 year.  And no matter how much energy they put into ignoring me…