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recent entries "My take on Thanksgiving" "Belichick used results from dynamic programming!" "I know he's not to blame, but..." "In sickness and in health..." "Fall Beautiful"
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Dec 22, 2008 Two Body ProblemLong time, no post… Turns out that during the semester, not much passes the ‘interesting enough to write about’ threshold. Sorry kids, this old lady just can’t get excited about the grad school admissions process anymore. Good luck to all involved though. What I can get excited about is the fact that the man in my life found a job! He’s also at MIT, and is also graduating with his PhD in the Spring (except he really is, I’m still only hoping). His new job would start in the Fall and require him to move to Portland (Oregon) – which now gives us a classic “two body problem” (I hate that phrase) to solve. At this point, it’s not a question of deciding whether or not he should take the job – it’s practically his dream job and the alternative is unemployment – it’s a question of whether or not I should follow him. I hear Portland is lovely… But I don’t hug trees. But it’s far from everything. But the options for neuroscientists are limited (though non-zero). But mostly, I’d only be moving there for a boy. My feminist principles are angry that in 2008, this is still the decision – advance my career and compromise a relationship, or advance a relationship and compromise a career. Of course that’s an oversimplification, but you see my point. And if I were the one with the great offer on the other side of the country, would my man follow me? I can’t speak for this man in this hypothetical situation, but in another life, when I came to MIT, that man said no, and I can list only a handful of examples of other couples in which the men followed their women. So the odds are not good. Whew, that rant felt good! But it doesn’t help make any decisions, nor does it help me graduate, so for now – back to work!
4 Responses To This Entry:Post A Response
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Wow, that is a hard one!
Mind telling us a little about the man in your life? How you 2 met? (at MIT I assume?)
Posted by: Ninja on January 7th, 2009 at 1:39 am
Sorry, about your situation. But the thing is, it doesnt really matter wat decision you take in life, it only matters that you put your heart and soul into it. Anyway can you tell me, if you dont mind wat a 7th year graduate means. Does it actually mean that you ‘ve been there for like 7 years.
Posted by: tenken19 on January 11th, 2009 at 6:57 am
We met our first year in grad school at one of the orientation events - who knew an Ashdown party would change my life?
And yes, I’ve been here for like 7 years - 6.5 to be precise.
Posted by: cthorn on January 11th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
This is indeed a sticky problem, but I don’t see how feminist principles or what other men or women would do in your shoes is relevant to your decision. Because this is a two-body problem, the solution may be clearer if you consider only the forces associated with the two bodies, and ignore others. This is about just you and him. You’re not demeaning yourself by following him, and you’re not making the decision on behalf of all females on the planet. I think it helps to discuss such issues with family and friends before coming to any conclusion.
Posted by: L on January 13th, 2009 at 2:50 am