Turns out that during the semester, not much passes the ‘interesting enough to write about’ threshold.  Sorry kids, this old lady just can’t get excited about the grad school admissions process anymore.  Good luck to all involved though.

What I can get excited about is the fact that the man in my life found a job!  He’s also at MIT, and is also graduating with his PhD in the Spring (except he really is, I’m still only hoping).  His new job would start in the Fall and require him to move to Portland (Oregon) – which now gives us a classic “two body problem” (I hate that phrase) to solve.  At this point, it’s not a question of deciding whether or not he should take the job – it’s practically his dream job and the alternative is unemployment – it’s a question of whether or not I should follow him.  I hear Portland is lovely…

But I don’t hug trees.

But it’s far from everything.

But the options for neuroscientists are limited (though non-zero).

But mostly, I’d only be moving there for a boy.

My feminist principles are angry that in 2008, this is still the decision – advance my career and compromise a relationship, or advance a relationship and compromise a career.  Of course that’s an oversimplification, but you see my point.  And if I were the one with the great offer on the other side of the country, would my man follow me?  I can’t speak for this man in this hypothetical situation, but in another life, when I came to MIT, that man said no, and I can list only a handful of examples of other couples in which the men followed their women.  So the odds are not good.

Whew, that rant felt good!  But it doesn’t help make any decisions, nor does it help me graduate, so for now – back to work!

Our story begins one fine sunny Monday morning in May, when I awake to find the following in my Inbox, from one of the professors on my thesis committee:

5/19/08 Katy: Hope that things are going well.  I wanted to follow up on your course thesis plans.   Based on our brief chat recently, I think that we should really go over some specifics to make sure that we’re all on course.  I’m most concerned, of course, about whether the thesis will be able to be considered a course 6 thesis.  If you have significant concerns in this direction, perhaps you might go ahead and explore the possibility of switching to Brain and Cog.  I don’t know how/whether this is feasible.  But I think Ann would know and would be supportive (as would I).  On the other hand, we can work to make it a course 6 thesis. Kindly let me know your thoughts and when you would be able to meet. Thanks—

My first thought of course was “WTF yo!?!  I’m NEVER going to graduate.”  But let’s back up.  First of all, the man has a point.  I do physiology research, it would be very strange to give me an EECS degree.  “Our brief chat recently” involved me commenting that the modeling work that I had included in my thesis proposal was not a priority for me and might get pushed aside in favor of trying to analyze my experimental data, which is taking forever and has no real direction – but that’s another post.  So far, everyone is being reasonable here, we just need to talk.  So I reply:

5/19/08 Hi —, Thanks for the email.  I’m out of town for the long weekend, starting Thursday, but can meet before that if you like.  Or next week after I get back is fine too.  We have lab meetings Wednesday mornings, but any other time should be fine.  Just let me know what’s convenient for you. I looked into applying to the BCS department a couple of years ago and wasn’t accepted, I don’t know if it’s possible to switch now that I’m almost done(ish), and I’m not sure I like that option even if it is an option.  I feel like this thesis will include enough signal processing and/or information theory to it that it could be a good EECS thesis, but we should definitely talk.  The modeling part isn’t out of the question either, but there’s so much work left to do on the data analysis from the physiology that I can’t see how to do a good job on both without spending another 6 years in grad school…  Cheers, -Katy

A week goes by with no response…  I convince myself it’s no big deal, if he hasn’t responded to my emails it’s because this is such a low priority nothing that I shouldn’t be concerned.  Besides, what’s the worst that can happen?  He tells me that I suck as a grad student and laughs meniacally as he tells me that I’ll never get my Ph.D. if he has anything to say about it?  A more likely scenario is that the situation drives me to insanity and I quit.  An even more likely scenario is that I get struck by a bus as it gets hit by lightening - and at least in that senario I probably get a posthumus Ph.D.  So I remind myself to be a grownup.  I try again:

5/27/08 Hi —, I never heard back from you about scheduling a meeting.  I’m in town the rest of this week, so anytime through Friday is good (no lab meeting this week, so Wed. morning is okay too).  I’m out of town again Monday and Tueday next week, but any time after that is great.  Let me know, -Katy

No response.  I start to dream of a life outside of grad school, where I have chosen to quit because to finish would mean compromising my integrity and my dignity and letting the terrorists win. I sleep well at night knowing that I stood up to The Man.  Of course I realize my fantasies make little sense and have no relation to reality, so I send another polite reminder to my committee member:

6/4/08 Hi —, Not sure if you’ve gotten my previous messages, but I’m back and don’t have any plans other than research for the rest of the summer.  I’d love to talk to you as soon as possible about my thesis – please let me know when you’re free.  Thanks, -Katy

Still no response.  I drop by his office a few times when I “happen to be in the area” (which is only across the street, so arguably, I’m always in the area).  But he’s never there anyway, and his students start to pity me when I walk in to the office.  I try one last desperate email:

6/23/08 Hi —, Your last email raised the possibility that I might not have a course 6-worthy thesis it made me pretty nervous.  I’d like to talk with you ASAP and get this worked out… Thanks,-Katy

Finally a reply!  We meet 2 days later. The moral of this part of the story is that no matter how much energy your committee is putting in to ignoring you, it can’t possibly be as much energy as you can devote to finding them.  They have priorities other than you.  You are one person with one mission:  to graduate.

Anyway, long story short I am now working on a modeling component and will in fact never graduate.  Though when I manage to forget the fact that I’ll never graduate, I get vaguely excited about said modeling, since I’m really only being forced to do something that I wanted to do in the first place.  The major concern now is that my boss and my committee member won’t see eye-to-eye on what is required before they’ll both sign my thesis.  Not to mention that my third committee member is bound to have an opinion too.  But I am a woman on a mission: to graduate in 1 year.  And no matter how much energy they put into ignoring me…

Anyway, the whole family gathered in scenic Newark, NJ for the weekend.  I drove down from Boston, and knew I was almost there when the drivers started getting aggressive and rude (welcome to NY).   Two hours later I’d arrived in Newark, where the drivers are aggressive and rude and completely unpredictable.  Only one other time in my life have I ever been so terrified on the road: in Manhattan right before the shows start on a Friday night.  I still have nightmares.

After we all arrived in Newark in one piece (barely), my little brother introduced us to his girlfriend.  My family does not do introductions well.  In fact, the poor girl arrived and my brother slammed the door in her face and walked off while she was still taking off her shoes in the hallway.  Leaving her alone and defenseless when she finally came in to meet us.  She entered.  We stared.  She said hi.  We said hi.  We continued staring.  That’s pretty much how we work.  It scares some people, but she seemed to handle it well - successfully passing test #1.

Graduation was the following day.  We met up with my other brother and his fiancee: the older responsible children who remember to do things like bring a camera and buy a graduation gift (suck ups!).  I want to make this clear:  I am now the only sibling still in school AND the sibling least likely to give my parents grandchildren.  My parents would never admit such a thing, but degrees from MIT are not nearly as cute as grandchildren.  But it’s okay, I’m not jealous.  No, I mean it.  I’m happy for my brothers and their significant others.  Really.

Three hundred people graduated and the ceremony lasted 2 hours and 40 minutes.  That’s nearly 3/4 of the amount of time it takes MIT to call out 4000 names - score one for MIT, we engineers understand what it takes to have an efficient ceremony.  Lawyers, on the other hand, sure do like to hear themselves talk.  My favorite part was when the student president of the Bar Association, who was supposed to just introduce the next speaker, decided to give us a 15-20 minute lecture on not being arrogant.  He used a lot of SAT words and a lot of cliches and still managed not to say anything of substance.  My second favorite part of the ceremony was the family that brought the air horn.  The ceremony could’ve used more air horn.

All kidding aside, I’m very proud of my brother and I’m glad the whole family was able to celebrate with him this weekend.  I’m also very glad that he’s the only lawyer in the family.

First, I should state that I’m not particularly religious. I don’t believe that Creationists are the Downfall of Our Society, nor do I believe that all you Godless Scientists are going to hell. Mostly for me, going to church is a nice community-building thing to do on a Sunday. That being said, I do like Lent. I feel like it gives me the opportunity to make what basically amount to New Year’s resolutions that I only have to keep for 40 days. So I made 4 such resolutions, figuring that if any of them stuck, I could call it a success. (This willingness to accept a 25% success rate may be contributing to my lack of graduation, but that’s another post.)

METHODS

Four resolutions were made:

Experiment 1: Get to work by 10:00 a.m.
Experiment 2: Eat/drink more dairy
Experiment 3: No alcohol
Experiment 4: Give up meat, including fish & other seafood, poultry, and red meat

RESULTS

Experiments 1 & 2 ended in failure in less than 2 weeks. Who was I kidding with Experiment 1? I don’t think anyone expected that to work. Experiment 2 required going to the grocery store regularly, finding room for milk and yogurt in the crowded refrigerator that I share with my 4 roommates, and remembering to consume them before they went bad. Grocery shopping isn’t a high priority for me since I have my vegetables delivered (bostonorganics.com - great service!), I feel guilty every time I forget to bring my own grocery bags to the store, and walking even 10 feet out of my way when it’s dark and cold out makes me sad. The failure of Experiment 1 contributed to the failure of Experiment 2 in that when I woke up late I was less likely to take the several minutes required to eat a milk-tastic breakfast at home. Giving said milk one more day to spoil. Ick.

Experiment 3 began about 2 weeks before Ash Wednesday and ended about 2 weeks before Easter. Despite the fact that the total amount of time was about 40 days, I think I lose points for not sticking it out through Easter, but it turns out that not drinking is shockingly hard. Department functions often involve beer and wine - at least at those it’s easy enough to substitute another beverage. When my friends go out to dinner or we have people over at home, there’s usually some drinking involved, and your friends are the ones most likely to give you a hard time if you’re having iced tea and they’re all having beer. But parties are the worst, because ice-breaker conversation generally starts with “so what are you drinking?” and people don’t know you’re kidding if you tell them you’re Mormon or a recovering alcoholic.

Experiment 4 was the most successful, sort of. It was at least the one I was most committed to. I did well the first week, but then as soon as I was getting comfortable, my roommates and I went out to Indian buffet, and I forgot all about my resolution until after the Chicken Tikka was in my tummy. Then I did well again until I went to a conference in Salt Lake City and again got tripped up by a buffet - forgot to think about what was in the quiche until it was too late. Similarly, I’m almost certain chinese noodles are cooked in chicken broth, but only became certain after I’d had a few bites. But these were accidents I can forgive myself for. I did purposely cheat once though - I went to the Rialto with friends for Restaurant Week, and I knew when I made the reservation that I wasn’t going to be vegetarian if I had to pay >$30 for my dinner. Good meal though - totally worth the money and the risk of eternal damnation.

Overall results: Experiment 1 - 15% success, Experiment 2 - 25% success, Experiment 3 - 75% success, Experiment 4 - 85% success. Combined - 50%, which is way better than the 25% success rate I said I’d be satisfied with.

CONCLUSIONS

1. 40 days is a fantastic period of time to ‘test drive’ a resolution. Long enough to have to try, but not so long that it feels impossible to succeed.

2. Grad students should not have to wake up at a reasonable hour.

3. Spoiled milk is gross.

4. Not drinking is more socially awkward than drinking. And do we at MIT really need help being socially awkward?

5. Not eating meat is not that hard. It takes a while for it to become habitual, and during that time, one should stay away from buffets.

“Hi, I’m Katy.”

“So, what do you do?”

“I’m a grad student here.”

“Oh.  What year are you?”

“Six.”

awkward pause… 

Then they either ask the obvious question (“When are you graduating?”) or quickly change the subject (“Look at that, I need a refill.”).  The debate always rages in my head whether to admit that I’ve been here as long as I have or to say something cryptic like “N+1,” but I figure the truth will come out eventually and I might as well get it over with.

At this point you are probably thinking “Six years? How embarrassing!  I’ll be out of here way before that!” or, if you’re past your first year: “Gee, I wish someone had warned me.”  So if it’s the former, consider yourself warned… not that you’ll listen, you young punk.  You kids these days and your loud music and your Interweb.  Back in my day we didn’t have the Guitar Hero and viral videos, when we wanted to procrastinate we…  Oh right, sorry ‘bout that.  Anyway, if you’re as old and senile as I am, take comfort in the fact that there are many people who’ve been here just as long or longer than you have.  And if I can admit my year without shame, so can you.  Just don’t ask me when I’m graduating…