I’ve lived with many different people over the years. I thought I had finally figured out the questions to ask potential roommates before agreeing to live together. What are your hours like? Do you cook a lot? How frequently do you have people over? These are all good things to discuss before signing a lease.

You know what I forgot though? How do you feel about mice?

Let’s say, for example, you see a mouse scurrying across your desk one morning. Do you think, “I need to snap that sucker’s neck until he’s dead dead dead”? Or do you think, “Cute! I’ll name him Milo”?

My roommate and I fall on opposite sides of this fence. If she feels the mouse run by her feet, it makes her happy. If I ever felt the mouse near my feet, I’d scream so loud the entire block would hear me. I have no desire to name it; I want it dead. Now.

I think my roommate is coming around to the bloodthirsty side of things. This morning, she woke up to find that the mouse had gotten into her (very tasty) cherry nut bread. Now it’s war. Milo must die. If the traps don’t work, I’ll go after him with my softball bat.